Oh, to be a paparazzi drone hovering over Venice this weekend.
To not admire the canals, or the picturesque structure steeped in Italian historical past, however to get the cash shot of what’s unfolding because the gaudiest spectacle of the century: the $20million (!) marriage ceremony of Amazon founder Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez.
I hate to confess it, however a part of me marvels on the glamour, the wealth, the clothes – notably Lauren’s stunningly tight and ludicrously costly gold corset – however I am additionally sniggering on the circus it has turn out to be.
And that is not my flip of phrase both. Livid locals are mentioned to be calling it ‘il circo‘.
Whereas the remainder of humanity is googling ‘how one can survive WWIII’, the geeky bookseller who turned the world’s third-richest man and his house cowgirl are saying ‘I do’ in a marriage so spectacularly tone-deaf that it virtually looks like efficiency artwork.
If you happen to learn my columns, you may know I like Lauren. She’s received balls, she’s fierce and – as somebody who isn’t any stranger to the surgeon’s knife – I believe that, at 55, she seems banging scorching. She’s in all probability additionally fairly a pleasant lady – I imply, Jeff loves her. However this ‘circo’? Jeez. Come on, Lauren, even your largest fan over right here is cringing.
The geeky bookseller who turned the world’s third-richest man and his house cowgirl are saying ‘I do’ in Venice this weekend. Livid locals are mentioned to be calling it ‘il circo’
If you happen to learn my columns, you may know I like Lauren – however each break-up has a winner, and I am afraid I’ve to facet together with her ex-husband Pat Whitesell, the poor man she left for billionaire Jeff
Hollywood agent Patrick (pictured with spouse Pia in Australia final December) has been quietly kicking objectives since Lauren determined to run off with Bezos. You like to see it
Let’s begin with the froth occasion – as a result of there’s nothing fairly as elegant and romantic as sliding about in shared tub water crammed to the brim with Fairy liquid. Then the invites that some remarked regarded like they’d been knocked collectively by a sixth-grader utilizing Canva for a college undertaking.
Whereas the visitor checklist reads like Hollywood royalty (good day, Kim Kardashian and a single-and-ready-to-mingle Orlando Bloom), there’s one man who has managed to outshine and, fairly frankly, outclass the entire ridiculous spectacle: Patrick Whitesell.
Keep in mind him? Possibly not, as he does prefer to maintain out of the media glare. He was married to Lauren, earlier than Jeff took one take a look at her and determined, ‘She’s mine.’
Lately, 60-year-old Pat prefers to relax at dwelling in his $57million Bel-Air mansion – far, far-off from foam events, creased linen shirts and loafers which have solely ever touched the floorboards of multimillion-dollar superyachts.
He is often called the ‘tremendous agent’ of Hollywood. Because the government chairman of Endeavor – as soon as a expertise company, now a mega-company that owns all the things from IMG to UFC – he has represented the likes of Ryan Reynolds, Hugh Jackman and Ben Affleck.
But essentially the most spectacular factor about Pat is his beautiful Australian spouse, Pia Whitesell.
We knew her as Pia Miller again within the day when she was married to an area footballer. She can be – in all probability – essentially the most lovely lady to return from the Southern Hemisphere.
However lengthy earlier than he set his sights on Pia, 41, Pat was married to Lauren and sooner or later made the rookie error of introducing his spouse to a good friend who was far, far richer than him: Jeff. It was an introduction that detonated his marriage.
Kendall and Kylie Jenner arrived through water taxi for the primary day of Jeff and Lauren’s marriage ceremony
Sixteen years aside: Patrick is seen with ex-wife Lauren Sanchez on the Vainness Truthful Oscar Occasion in 2009, and on the identical occasion in 2025 with now-wife Pia Whitesell
Pia is – in all probability – essentially the most lovely lady ever to return from the Southern Hemisphere
Poor Patrick, for all his wealth and success, was left wanting like a prized turnip when Lauren and Jeff’s affair was later splashed throughout the tabloids.
Reviews on the time indicated he was ‘blindsided’ by the affair. In distinction, sources near Jeff and his then-wife MacKenzie Scott insisted they’d separated earlier than he started courting Sanchez.
It was all fairly a large number – a really public and embarrassing one, and notably for Patrick, who’s used to going into harm management for his movie star shoppers, not himself.
However Patrick did not get mad – he received even.
After his spouse left him, he bagged a gorgeous lady virtually twenty years his junior. They received engaged, then married. He flew to Sydney to attraction her household. Now Pia and her two sons from earlier relationships reside the dream at Pat’s LA mansion.
I am positive Jeff and Lauren are completely satisfied as Larry in Venice proper now, however each break-up wants a winner, and it is clear as day who the winners are right here.
I am positive Jeff and Lauren are completely satisfied as Larry in Venice proper now, however each break-up wants a winner, and it is clear as day who the winners are right here, writes Mail+ columnist Amanda Goff
As a result of amid the insanity, the circus, the drones and diamonds, Pia despatched a message days earlier than the marriage that everybody appears to have missed.
She posted essentially the most deliciously icy comeback on Instagram. Kicking again within the pool at her Bel-Air dwelling – with not a paparazzo or cowboy boot in sight – she took a snap and captioned it: ‘How’s the serenity.’
It was a wonderfully coded message for her fellow Aussies again dwelling: A quote from a beloved movie, The Fortress, uttered by a person admiring the modest view from his vacation caravan, fully unfazed by the close by energy strains and airport blare.
The which means was clear: Overlook the noise. We’re completely completely satisfied proper right here.
Amid the insanity, the circus, the drones and diamonds, Pia despatched a message days earlier than the marriage that everybody appears to have missed… ‘How’s the serenity.’
Now Pia and her two sons from earlier relationships reside the dream at Pat’s LA mansion
Patrick selected happiness over bitterness – and that’s the greatest revenge . Certainly, he even beat his ex down the aisle, marrying Pia in 2021
Properly performed, Pia. I can simply image Patrick out of shot, sipping a martini subsequent to you.
It was cheeky, it was understated, and it was flawlessly timed. Bravo to the Whitesells. If this was a sport – and is not love a sport? – then I crown you the winners.
No want for screaming headlines or public shows of cheesy wealth. Only a barely smug silence that claims to the remainder of the world: ‘Maintain the insanity – we’ll have the peace.’
Patrick selected happiness over bitterness – and that really is the very best type of revenge. Certainly, he even beat his ex-wife down the aisle, marrying Pia in 2021.
Now, I’ll have picked a facet right here – however I’d nonetheless like to increase my congratulations to Lauren and Jeff on their marriage ceremony weekend. Sure, it seems cheesy, however some individuals like that! I hope the cake is good, do not slip within the bubble tub, and hopefully that corset did not crush any inside organs.
Whereas I supply a hand to the completely satisfied couple, I doff my hat to the ex-husband.
There are few issues in life extra satisfying than the cuckold’s revenge, and he pulled it off with true Hollywood aptitude. I am positive he was the speak of the marriage the second Jeff and Lauren have been out of earshot.
Why would not he be? He was humiliated by one of many wealthiest individuals on Earth, however emerged the richer man.
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