“Archie goes to war, Betty joins the FBI, Jughead becomes a writer, and Veronica gets married…”
Alright, so every once in a while something from Riverdale goes viral on Twitter and everyone who doesn’t watch this show weekly is like ??????
So, anyway, right now everyone’s talking about this absolutely bonkers trailer for the remainder of Season 5, which is set 7 years in the future after the crew’s high school graduation.
Anyway, here are all the questions I have about this trailer, as someone who has watched every single episode of this show:
Jughead starts by telling us Archie was in a war…but what the heck war was this and why does he look like an extra in Dunkirk???
Why did the “war” take place on a high school football field?
Like, I’m not hallucinating? That’s a goal post right??? Is this…color war???
Live footage of Archie being as confused as I am:
Why is published author Jughead Jones, the literary voice of a generation, so MAD?
Why did Veronica marry a punchable man named Chadwick?
Did the Riverdale costume department get an amazing deal on gray crewneck sweatshirts this year???
Okay, and now I cannot emphasize this strongly enough…WHAT. IN. THE. FUCK. HAPPENED. TO. BETTY?
Hasn’t she been through enough???? Was the serial killer dad and serial killer brother and the organ-harvesting cult that tried to lobotomize her and her boyfriend’s fake murder and the time she and her mom killed a guy NOT ENOUGH??? No, now she needs to deal with THIS?
In the future she’s suffering from the trauma of being trapped in a hole by a chainsaw-wielding man????? Without ever being able to address the trauma of all the things I just mentioned above???
But she is also officially in the FBI now? Is she in the Law and Order: Serial Killer Unit? SKU coming to NBC this spring???
And, finally, how does Archie STILL manage to say the absolute worst thing every time he opens his mouth?
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